Vote For Bruce Wayne
by Windrises
Summary: Bruce Wayne and the Penguin both decide to run for President. Bruce is obsessed, with keeping America safe from Penguin's clutches, while Penguin is obsessed, with coming up with convincing scams.


Note: Batman is owned by DC Comics and was created by writer Bill Finger and artist Bob Kane.

Batman returned to Wayne Manor, after having a fight, with a few of the Penguin's henchmen. He went into the Bat Cave, while feeling frustrated. The Penguin had been loose, for a few months. During that time, he had been doing a lot of crimes, but had also been building up a reputation, as an honorable and respectable businessman. He was trying to make Gotham forget, about his criminal activities and focus on the few legal things, that his business had been doing.

Batman looked around and saw his dinner, which was some chicken and fries. Batman started eating it, before saying, "No offense, but this is cold."

Alfred Pennyworth replied, "When you come home this late, you can expect a cold dinner. I think you know what to do with it."

Batman responded, "Yeah." Batman threw his food in the garbage can.

Alfred sighed and said, "I wanted you to microwave that, not throw it away."

Batman replied, "We have more important things to focus on, than garbage food. The Penguin is still free and as long as he's a free bird, he's going to be a pain in my cowl. I wish there was someway, that I could prove to the city of Gotham, that Penguin is the nastiest bird of them all. However, he keeps buying the love and respect, of Gotham's citizens, with his sneaky business tactics. When it comes to physical fighting, I have him beat. However, when it comes to being a businessman, I fear Penguin is superior."

Alfred responded, "But Penguin is a shallow, goofy criminal, just like the rest of your enemies."

Batman shook his head and replied, "Penguin's a criminal, but he's also a smooth, intelligent, and witty gentleman. After all, he is the gentleman of crime. He poses a type of threat, that may seem small and silly, but deep down, he's one of Gotham's most elusive citizens."

A few minutes later, Batman got on his Bruce Wayne clothes and went to the living room. He knew the election was coming up, so he was curious to see, who the candidates were. Vicky Vale appeared on the screen, to report the news. She said, "The top two used to be Hamilton Hill and Marion Grange. However, a third candidate has risen and this candidate has already been getting more media attention, than you could ever imagine."

Bruce put his hand on his chin, while saying, "I wonder who the other candidate is."

Alfred smirked and said, "As long as Clark Kent's not running for President, you'll probably be happy."

Bruce replied, "That sounds about right."

Vicky said, "Oswald Cobblepot, also known as the Penguin, is running for President."

Bruce's eyebrows lifted up, while feeling an unspeakably-high amount, of surprise. The Penguin had tried to become Gotham's Mayor, which was already an absurd and terrible idea. However, Penguin running for President sounded far worse.

Vicky said, "Although Mr. Cobblepot used to be one of Gotham's most notorious criminals, he has gained a new amount of respect, thanks to his successful and legal business. He used to be the gentleman of crime, but now, he's the gentleman of the election."

The Penguin appeared on the screen, while having a smug grin on his face. He put down his cigar and said, "Greetings, citizens of Gotham and whatever countries are also listening."

Vicky looked at him and said, "Mr. Cobblepot, Gotham is a city, not a country."

The Penguin replied, "You're a reporter, not a candidate, so shut your beak and put a veil over your head." The Penguin looked back at the screen and said, "I know I've done some scummy things, but that was in the past. I have retired, from my life of crime, but one thing, that I'll never retire from, is making the world a better place. You could vote for one of Gotham's former Mayors, like Hill or Grange, or you could vote for me. After all, I'm here to run the United States, not one measly city. After all, how could a Mayor and President be one and the same?"

Vicky looked back at Penguin and said, "You've tried to become Gotham's Mayor, more than once, so isn't that a hypocritical statement?"

The Penguin pointed his umbrella at Vicky and replied, "If you make any more wisecracks, you'll suffer the wrath of my umbrella, you nosy troublemaker." He looked back at the camera and said, "Vote for Penguin, so I can make America squawk again." Penguin squawked, before the broadcast ended.

Bruce turned off the TV and said, "I can't believe, that Penguin's trying to become President. He's a better choice than Clark Kent, but the thought, of Penguin being President, isn't something I'm cool with. I need to make sure, that this doesn't happen."

Bruce and Alfred heard a ringing sound. Alfred said, "It's the phone, Master Bruce."

Bruce replied, "Go ahead and answer it. It's probably nothing important. Besides, I have more important things to focus on, than making corny smalltalk."

Alfred answered the phone, before looking back at Bruce and said, "It's Julie Madison."

Bruce ran to the phone and said, "Hi Julie. How's it going?"

Julie was at home and was coming her hair, while saying, "I think it's time."

Julie was being too vague, for Bruce to understand her. When he heard about time, he thought about the Clock King. However, he doubted Julie was referring to him, so he tried to forget about Clock King and tried to figure out, what Julie was talking about.

After a long and awkward pause, Julie said, "I think it's time, that we have another date. After all, it has been a few weeks, since our last date. I know it's a bit late, but I haven't dinner, so I was thinking we could go somewhere special."

Bruce had to focus on the Penguin's election scheme, so in order to not hurt Julie's feelings, Bruce pretended he was tired. He did a bunch of yawns and said, "I'm sorry, Julie, but I'm super tired."

Julie replied, "Perhaps we can hangout, tomorrow."

Bruce responded, "Maybe."

Julie sighed and said, "Bruce, whenever I ask you out, you almost always say things, like maybe, which leads to you cancelling the date. I'm worried, that you're not taking our relationship seriously."

An idea popped into Bruce's head. He stopped feeling uneasy and started getting his confidence back, while saying, "I'll meet you, tomorrow night, at any restaurant you want. I'll have an important announcement, for you."

Julie smiled and replied, "That sounds great."

After getting off the phone, Bruce looked at Alfred and said, "Tomorrow morning, I'll need to have a meeting, with Lucius Fox. I have something planned."

Alfred asked, "What is it?"

Bruce turned around and said, "It'll blow your socks off."

The next morning, Bruce went to Wayne Industries. He straightened his tie, while going to Lucius Fox's office. He shook Lucius' hand and said, "Thanks for meeting me, old chum."

Lucius replied, "No problem, millennial businessman. So, what can I help you with?"

Bruce smiled and said, "I have a big announcement."

Lucius smirked and replied, "Wow, I'm not used to seeing you smile. I'm guessing you have something big planned, Mr. Wayne."

Bruce paced around the room, while saying, "You better believe it." Bruce looked out the window, while looking at the citizens of Gotham, who were roaming the streets of Gotham. Thousands of people depended on Bruce Wayne's business and Batman's heroic acts.

However, Bruce was planning on becoming important, to even more people. He looked back at Lucius and said, "I'm going to run for President."

Lucius replied, "If you're talking about jogging with the President, you probably have the agility for that. However, if you're actually talking about running for President, I might send you to Arkham Asylum."

Bruce responded, "I know this sounds odd, but this is the weirdest and most dangerous election, that there's ever been. The Penguin is running for President."

Lucius replied, "I heard that dreadful news."

Bruce said, "Penguin's one of my most dangerous enemies, so I can't let him become President. In order to keep that from happening, I'm going to become President. Besides, that'll me a chance, to protect more people, than ever before. I usually just protect Gotham. If I become President, I'll protect all of Gotham."

Lucius replied, "That's an admirable goal and you're a great hero, but I'm not sure you have what it takes, to be the President. After all, you once told me, that politics are as crappy and useless, as the Riddler's riddles."

Bruce said, "Yes, politics is a piece of garbage and Penguin's an egg, that never should of left the shell he hatched from. However, if you combine Penguin and politics, you'd get a duo that's as almost as bad, as Superman and Lois Lane."

Lucius replied, "I agree, that Penguin would be the worst President ever, but Mr. Cobblepot is a crafty vulture. How are you going to outsmart him?"

Bruce answered, "With your help. You're going to be my Vice-President. After all, you've practically been running Wayne Industries and you're one of the few people, who knows I'm Batman. Because of that, I can't thank of a better person, to help me run America."

Lucius sighed and replied, "This is one of your riskiest ideas, Mr. Wayne. For better or for worse, I also like living a dangerous life." He and Bruce shook hands.

A few hours later, Vicky Vale's new broadcast started. She appeared on several TV screens, across the country. She was at her TV studio, with Bruce Wayne, while saying, "A fourth candidate has stepped up and he's rivaling Mr. Cobblepot, for being the most surprising candidate. Bruce Wayne, one of Gotham's richest citizens, has decided to run for President, with Lucius Fox as his Vice-President."

Bruce appeared on the screen, while wearing a black suit. When he was making public appearances, he tried to be a spoiled playboy, in order to hide his secret identity. Since he was running for President, he tried to be more professional and mature. He looked at the screen, while saying, "I know you're not the candidate, that you were expecting. However, this hasn't been the election, that you were expecting. If I may be so brave and bold, I believe I have the skills and resources, that are needed, to become the President. As for knowledge, Lucius Fox will take care of that part."

Vicky returned to the screen, while saying, "We have another announcement, which is about the Penguin."

The Penguin pranced into the room, while squawking and having a cigar in his mouth. The Penguin faced the screen, while saying, "Greetings, kind men and charming ladies. This is Oswald Cobblepot, also known as the Penguin and the best choice for President." He squawked, before saying, "Mr. Wayne may think, that his joke of a presidency is big news, but that's hardly the case. I have a little piece of news, that'll blow Bruce's socks off. I have decided, who our Vice-President will be."

Slade Wilson, also known as Deathstroke, walked by. Bruce and Vicky both look shocked, while the Penguin put his arm around Deathstroke and said, "This guy might not seem like the friendliest fella, but believe me, he's going to be an excellent Vice-President."

Bruce confronted the Penguin, while saying, "You must be crazy, Penguin."

The Penguin replied, "Mr. Wayne, perhaps you need to be reminded, that you're on live TV. Leave the childish insults behind, because your reputation is already spotty enough."

Bruce responded, "You're already a terrible choice, to be our next President. What could Deathstroke offer, other than death?"

Deathstroke smacked Bruce and replied, "Mr. Wayne doesn't seem to understand what it takes, to have a successful partnership."

The Penguin had a smug smile on his face, while saying, "Mr. Wayne doesn't know anything, other than how to be a spoiled playboy. I'm the smartest citizen, that Gotham has ever had. However, protecting the world requires more, than just brans. It also requires physical strength, which Mr. Wilson is the best at."

Deathstroke faced the screen, while saying, "I'm going to give America the protection, that it needs. For years, it's had crummy protectors, who don't have the guts, to make justice happen. While I may be a bit ruthless, I have the determination and intensity, that's needed, to protect America."

Bruce faced the Penguin, while saying, "You picked a murderer, to be your Vice-President."

The Penguin replied, "Deathstroke only murders criminals, which may be a bit rough, but I find it heroic."

Bruce folded his arms and said, "If Deathstroke only tries to destroy villains, why did he try to murder Batman and the Teen Titans?"

Deathstroke replied, "They had it coming, for their questionable actions. You've already made enough questionable comments, Mr. Wayne. If you want to survive this election, you better shut up."

Bruce said, "Both of you should be in prison, not in the White House."

The Penguin raised an eyebrow and asked, "That's what the President's home is called? Sounds kind of corny."

Bruce replied, "Your Vice-President's name is Deathstroke, which is a pretty corny attempt, at being edgy."

Bruce and Penguin were so mad at one another, that they started arguing. They weren't paying much attention, to the fact, that they were on live TV. Bruce said, "Penguin, you've done more criminals, than almost any other villain. You're probably still doing criminals."

The Penguin had an offended look on his face, while saying, "How dare you say such a thing, you greedy simpleton."

Bruce asked, "Greedy simpleton? What are you talking about, you goofy bird?"

The Penguin answered, "You're not a proper fit, to be the President. You go to parties, drink too much, and flirt with girls. Those hardly seem like the qualities, that the President should have."

Bruce replied, "I may have a few drinks, but you always have a cigar in your mouth, even on live TV. You'd be a bad influence, on the voters' children."

The Penguin responded, "You flirt with every girl in sight, even at charity events, so you'd be a bad influence, on the voters' teenage children."

Bruce replied, "I'm dating Julie Madison and we happen to be in a serious relationship, so you can shut your peak."

The Penguin smirked and said, "That means Vicky Vale's single." He winked at her and squawked.

Vicky looked at the screen, while hoping she could bring some dignity, to the event. She said, "Thank you, for watching this broadcast. We have some very interesting and unique candidates, for President. I wish them the best and let's hope this election goes well."

Several minutes later, Bruce went to a fancy restaurant, so he could see Julie Madison. He walked inside and sat down. Julie said, "Hi Bruce. It's great, that I actually get to see you. I would be hoping, that I'd get to see more of you, but since you're running for President, I doubt that'll be happening. If anything, I'll probably see less of you."

Bruce smiled and replied, "I don't think, that you'll have to worry about. After all, you're going to be an important part, of my election."

Julie had a confused look on her face, while asking, "What do you mean?"

Bruce said, "Well, if I'm going to be President, I'll need a First Lady." He bent down, pulled out a ring, and asked, "Will you marry me?"

Julie grinned and answered, "Yes." Several photographers started taking pictures, of Bruce and Julie, which made Bruce facepalm.

A few hours later, Bruce returned home. Alfred walked by him and said, "So, you run for President and get engaged, on the same day? Props to you, for keeping your life productive."

Bruce replied, "Thank you."

Alfred said, "By the way, I'm happy for you and Ms. Madison. I believe she's what you need, to make you move on with your life. Are you going to be telling her, about your alter-ego?"

Bruce answered, "Like the Clock King would say, when the right time comes, I'll tell her."

Meanwhile, the Penguin was running around his office, while doing a series, of angry squawks. He looked at Deathstroke, while saying, "Bruce Wayne is the first candidate, who could stop me, from becoming the President. After all, he has charm, decent looks, and lots of cash."

Deathstroke replied, "I could give him a stroke, if you want."

The Penguin used his umbrella, to hit Deathstroke and said, "I can't resort to violence, if I'm going to win this election." He put his hand on his chin, while saying, "I'll have to do something sneaky, in order to winning." An evil smile came upon his face, while he started squawking.

The next day, Vicky had another interview, with the Penguin. She faced the screen, while saying, "The Penguin has an important announcement, that concerns his campaign."

The Penguin faced the screen, while saying, "You may think, that having Bruce Wayne be President, will enrich this country. However, Mr. Wayne hasn't offered money, to any of his voters. Despite not being as wealthy, as that selfish millionaire, I'm going to be offering a payment of money, to anybody who votes for me. However, if I don't win, don't expect a penny, but the chances, of me losing, are smaller than Bruce's brain, which is saying a lot."

Bruce watched the broadcast, while saying, "Penguin's money bribe isn't going to work."

Lucius walked by Bruce, while replying, "I hate to be cynical, but I think the bribes will make a huge difference."

Bruce asked, "What do you mean?"

Lucius answered, "Deep down, most people have a greedy side. Thankfully, a majority of us can contain that, but when a candidate offers money, just for voting for him, most people won't resist him. If you don't come up with something, Penguin's going to dominate this election."

The next night, Batman went into the Penguin's building, so he could do some detective work. He went the Penguin's file room and started searching for the money, that Penguin was planning on giving, to the people who voted for him. A few minutes later, he found the money. He inspected it and saw a label, that had a bank's name on it. Batman realized, that Penguin was planning on giving his voters money, which was stolen from the bank. That way, he could bribe his way, into becoming President and frame his own voters, for his robberies.

Deathstroke came into the file room, because he heard noises. He pointed a sword, at Batman, while saying, "I'm going to bring you down, you rotten bat."

Batman replied, "Penguin's the rotten one, not me."

Deathstroke responded, "You may be the hero, that Gotham deserves, but you're not the hero, that America needs." He started punching and kicking Batman. Although Deathstroke was very strong, Batman had several fighting skills, which helped him. Deathstroke said, "Who needs crummy skills, when you have a sword? You don't carry around a sword, do you? It's because of your corny morality. Thankfully, I was born, with the desire to crush weaklings, such as yourself." He tried to use his sword, to stab Batman, but Batman threw some sharp batarangs, which broke the sword. Batman punched Deathstroke's daylights out, before running away.

A few days later, Bruce and the Penguin were brought back, to the TV studio Vicky Vale works at, for a debate. Julie kissed Bruce and wished him the best, before Bruce got onstage. Bruce and the Penguin gave one another dirty looks, as the broadcast started. Vicky said, "Greetings, everyone. This debate is between Bruce Wayne, Gotham's most infamous playboy and the Penguin, Gotham's most infamous businessman."

The Penguin looked at the screen, while saying, "I'm the best businessman, that Gotham's ever had. After I become President, I'm going to do a lot of things, which will melt your socks."

Bruce replied, "Give me an example."

The Penguin tried have a caring look on his face, while saying, "I bet a majority of America is tired, of feeling like the Justice League are their superiors. They have so many powers and special abilities, that they make America's good-hearted and hardworking citizens look bad. That's why I'll put a wall, around the Hall of Justice." He squawked.

Commissioner Gordon walked by Penguin and said, "You're getting a new home, but it's not the White House. Instead, you're getting a cell. Your Vice-President has already been captured, thanks to Batman, and soon, you'll also be arrested."

The Penguin replied, "But I have to make America squawk again. Besides, I didn't do a single crime."

Commissioner Gordon said, "You were going to bribe your voters, by using money, which you stole." He put handcuffs on Penguin, while Penguin angrily squawked.

Vicky looked at Bruce and said, "It seems like you won the election, Mr. Wayne."

Bruce replied, "Actually, the Penguin's antics have made me realize, that I'm also guilty, of not being mature and responsible enough, to be President. Because of that, I'm leaving the election. I'm not going to be President." He waved goodbye and got offstage.

Julie looked at Bruce and asked, "Why did you do that?"

Bruce whispered to Julie, "I was never actually planning, on becoming President. I just joined the election, to protect America, from the Penguin's clutches."

Julie replied, "Knowing that, I'm starting to guess, that the reason you proposed to me had had nothing to do with commitment. It was just so you could have a First Lady, wasn't it? After all, if you can treat a presidential campaign, as a joke, I doubt you'll take marriage seriously." She took off her ring, handed it to Bruce, and walked away.

Lucius put his hand on Bruce's shoulder and asked, "Are you okay?"

Bruce sighed and said, "I think I am. After all, my greatest love is protecting Gotham, along with the rest of the world." He smiled, to disguise his sad emotions. He started heading back to the Bat Cave, so he could continue his quest, of making the world a brighter place.


End file.
